Cast Of Columbo: How To Dial A Murder
Columbo continued to surprise and (possibly) delight viewers with innovative murder methods in How to Dial a Murder – the penultimate episode of the show's seventh season.
The murder 'weapon' in this tale of ghastly revenge was in fact a pair of doberman pinschers, named Laurel and Hardy, who tore a homo to shreds subsequently beingness conditioned to kill upon hearing the code give-and-take ROSEBUD.
Sounds intriguing, but is How to Punch a Murder a suitably thrilling, snarling set on dog of an episode? Or is it more of an irritating yapping pooch ready to be kicked into adjacent calendar week? Allow's travel back to fifth Apr, 1978 and accept a look…
Dramatis personae
Lieutenant Columbo: Peter Falk
Dr Eric Mason: Nicol Williamson
Joanne Nicholls: Kim Cattrall
Miss Cochrane: Trish O'Neil
Dr Charles Hunter: Joel Fabiani
Officeholder Stein: Ed Begley Jr
Dr Garrison: Frank Aletter
Dog: As himself
Written by: Tom Lazarus and Anthony Lawrence
Directed by: James Frawley
Score by: Patrick Williams
Episode synopsis: Columbo How to Punch a Murder
Renowned behavioural psychologist (and film memorabilia fanatic) Dr Eric Bricklayer knows that his colleague, Charlie Hunter, had been enjoying a fling with his now-expressionless wife. Six months earlier, Stonemason'southward wife died in a 'mysterious' auto crash (i.e. Stonemason caused it). Now the dastardly dr. is about to complete his revenge past offing the treacherous Charlie, as well.
Bricklayer cooks up a truly diabolical murder method. He's spent months training his neckerchiefed dobermans, Laurel and Hardy, to respond to a telephone ringing and utilise of the code discussion 'Rosebud'. Upon hearing these sound triggers the placid pups fly into a preternatural rage, tearing apart whomever is luckless enough to be in their fashion. And today Charlie Hunter's on the menu.
Lured to Mason's firm to play lawn tennis, Charlie is making himself at home when the kitchen telephone rings. Stonemason is calling him from the infirmary, where he'southward having his almanac heart check-up and is conveniently (for plot purposes) fastened to the electrocardiogram machine.
With his dogs on high alert after hearing the phone ring, Mason is able to finagle Charlie into calling out 'Rosebud' in their presence. The dogs go berserk, laying into the luckless Charlie as Mason punches the air with glee at the other end of the line. As Columbo killings become, this is every bit frightening every bit they come.
Back at home after his check-upward, Mason finds his house the scene of a major police investigation headed up by i Lieutenant Columbo, who is merrily playing with the killer dogs before they're packed off into a police van and sent off to doggy jail.
Mason, of course, claims he can't believe that the beloved hounds could turn rogue like that. Charlie must have provoked them somehow, he muses. Columbo doesn't think then. In fact he'southward already got a pretty articulate film of what went down in Mason'due south kitchen.
The wall phone receiver is dangling off the hook. Charlie must accept been talking to someone. Couldn't it only have been knocked off in the attack, Mason asks quite reasonably. No. Considering the intermittent tone audible through the receiver is just heard when someone else has dialled in. This bothers the soft-hearted investigator immensely. Whoever rung the house must have heard Charlie'south death screams and done nix most it. That'due south stone cold!
Someone had alerted the police force, mind you lot, and that person is scorching young psychology student Joanne Nicholls, who lives in the guest business firm on Mason'south belongings. Columbo pays her a visit, and finds her cuddled upwards with favourite teddy behave, Sigmund, struggling to cope with the furnishings of a traumatic mean solar day.
During a brief interview, Columbo discovers that Joanne didn't hear any phone ringing, although she had been swimming underwater and so her testimony is largely valueless. He does, however, hear from her that Mason has spent many weekends abroad since the loss of his wife with just the dogs for company – an interesting snippet for Columbo to mentally file away.
As the Lieutenant departs, he finds Mason hovering on the threshold. Information technology's the lanky dr.'s turn to parley with Joanne – and information technology'due south immediately clear he no longer wants her effectually. Turns out that Joanne has the hots for him, only he rejected her bid for them to be lovers. He suggests she ought to get out and go back dwelling house to her parents to help get over these dual setbacks, but she doesn't seem to be in the mood to comply.
Columbo, meanwhile, is eliciting the help of police dog training ace Miss Cochrane. Through her, he learns that any domestic dog tin can be trained to respond in a particular style to detail words – a feat she demonstrates with a constabulary Alsatian, who can attack or shower with affection on command.
Stonemason makes a living out of command words. It certainly seems possible that his dogs could accept been programmed to kill through the correct control word. There'due south a long style to go in this instance, only things are swiftly starting to compute for the Lieutenant. Just problem is that at that place are millions of possible command words to choose from. Where to brainstorm?
Realising that his dogs are a potential weak link in his plan, Bricklayer heads to the LAPD'south dog-handling unit to seek info on the fate of Laurel and Hardy. They're scheduled for termination, but Bricklayer receives 'reassurance' from a young officeholder that Columbo is doing everything in his power to win them a stay of execution. It'south the exact contrary of music to Mason's ears.
Columbo comes down to meet Mason, and has a few questions he needs assist with. Mason unhelpfully explains that he spent his weekends with the dogs walking on the beach and thinking. He also explains that straw plant on the floor of his kitchen must have come from a crate of wine he recently received – and certainly non a straw-filled decoy Charlie he trained his dogs to kill in the kitchen, no sirree Bob!
Columbo pays Bricklayer a visit at work the next solar day with more queries. He'southward hooked on the thought that someone might have wanted to impale Mason himself through programming the dogs to set on him on control over a telephone call. The detective even mentions the mysterious death of Mrs Mason, which was never solved. Could someone have information technology in for both of them?
Mason rejects Columbo's hypothesis – and is starting to see through the Lieutenant'southward clueless act. "You lot pass yourself off as a puppy in a raincoat, happily running effectually the yard, digging holes all over the garden," he says. "Just, you're laying a minefield and wagging your tail." Every bit critical assessments of Columbo go, he'southward pretty close to the mark.
Next stop for Columbo is chez Mason (over again), and another conversation with Joanne. She reveals that, amongst his expiry screams, she heard Charlie calling out Eric'south proper noun. The eagle-eyed sleuth then spots a claw erroneously fixed into the kitchen ceiling. What on earth could that be for? And finally, he notices an identifying marking on a rusty sometime spotlight Mason claims to have picked up on a weekend away. This leads him to a disused moving picture lot mocked up to expect the Former West.
Here, amidst tumbleweeds, rickety wooden shacks and a whole load of detritus, Columbo finds a claw hanging from an old saloon. There'south also prove that something large was hung on a frame from this hook, and he even finds a broken speaker lying on the ground. Curiouser and curiouser. Nevertheless, information technology's an impressive solar day'south work for LA's finest officeholder!
His 24-hour interval gets better even so when he encounters Bricklayer at Charlie'southward business firm later. The psychologist has snuck in to retrieve incriminating photos of Charlie with Mrs Bricklayer – and he pockets them only as Columbo emerges, unannounced, from a sleeping room. He'due south puzzled to have plant a trousers and waistcoat set, but no matching jacket. Mason offers no aid and swiftly retreats.
The fiendish compress makes a beeline straight to the guest firm where he finds Joanne all packed up and ready to head for home after all. During a cheerio conversation, Joanne reveals that she knew well-nigh the affair between Charlie and Mrs Mason. Shocked that she kept it quiet, Mason swears her to silence, even dropping his hands threateningly to her pharynx. She'due south saved from being his third victim past the arrival of Columbo.
He's smashing to cash in Mason's hope of a character assessment, and so over a bottle of skilful carmine wine the two men play a word association game – each trying to glean some crucial insight on the other. When the game is upwardly, Mason walks Columbo to his machine and the Lieutenant is amazed to run into the actual gate from the movie Citizen Kane is i of the md'due south nearly treasured possessions. He also happens to own the famous sled, emblazoned with the word 'Rosebud', hanging on his study wall.
Convivial chat over, Columbo has another try at coaxing a reaction out of Laurel and Hardy. He has secretly recorded the word association game, hoping confronting hope that Mason will have dropped his command word into chat. He plays the tape to the dogs to no avail.
That'southward until the dog handler's phone rings. The dobermans' heckles rise, and Columbo leaves the record playing equally he goes to speak to the judge to beg for a stay of execution for the dogs. And it's during that conversation that the magic happens. The dogs get fully primal, transforming into Hounds of Hell. Simply what was the trigger?
We notice out the next day. Subsequently a sleepless nighttime in the company of Miss Cochrane (all higher up board, you filthy-minded creature!), Columbo is prepare to confront Bricklayer – and he does so in confident fashion, rigging up a straw man dressed in Charlie's clothes in Mason's own kitchen.
He theorises that Mason programmed the dogs to impale Charlie and over a game of puddle outlines to the doctor all the evidence he has clustered against him – not least the fact that he knows Mason took the photos from Charlie's house, because he had taken one himself simply before the medico arrived.
He's also managed to get concur of Stonemason'due south ECG results from the 24-hour interval of the criminal offence. At 3pm – the precise time Charlie was slain – there was a massive spike in Mason's center rate.
Slotting home pool balls with abandon, Columbo concludes that Mason committed the killing via the phone telephone call. The detective goads the psychologist, proverb: "I must say I found you disappointing. I mean, your incompetence. And for a man of your intelligence, sir, you got caught in a lot of stupid lies."
Mason, nonetheless, believes he'll be the ane having the last laugh. "I recollect you deserve the whole package, Lieutenant," he retorts, bringing the dogs to heel. "Everything yous need to make your case complete." Pointing at Columbo, Mason roars 'ROSEBUD!' At one time the dogs are snarling monsters, who blitz at and leap upwards on the detective, pushing him back on the pool tabular array. Surely it's a grisly end for our Tv hero?
Not a fleck of it! Information technology'south Stonemason who gets a stupor when he sees that instead of tearing Columbo's throat out, they're actually licking his face. You lot see, with Miss Cochrane'southward help, the dogs were reprogrammed to 'kiss non kill' when they heard the code word. And Columbo had discovered the word when his voice-activated tape recorder had picked up Mason'southward reference to 'Rosebud' during their conversation about Citizen Kane.
Thoroughly outmatched, Mason admits defeat. Columbo, meanwhile, makes one last, failed effort to pot a pool brawl using WC Fields' bent cue as credits coil…
How to Punch's best moment – kiss not kill
For the 2d episode in a row, a murderer attempts the unthinkable in doing their best to kill off the dear Lieutenant. Terminal time round it was Paul Gerard'southward poisoned drinking glass of wine, but this time it'southward a far more robust effort: Dr Mason is hoping to see Columbo torn to ribbons past his set on dogs.
We know that Columbo has figured out great swathes of the case (including motive and opportunity), but nosotros don't know all the same that he's entirely cracked the lawmaking give-and-take that controls the murderous mood of the dobermans. So he has to wheedle information technology out of Stonemason, whom he expertly manoeuvers into a corner to force the doctor's hand.
Believing in his own mental superiority until the last, Mason indeed applies the last evidence eluding the Lieutenant, calling out 'Rosebud' and ordering the dogs to attack. Given that the viewer hasn't seen how Columbo reprogrammed the dogs to 'kiss not impale' when they heard the command discussion, this is a supremely tense moment that actually gets the blood pumping.
My thoughts on How to Dial a Murder
To give the writers of Columbo'south seventh flavour due credit, they came up with some delightfully creative murder methods to continue viewers guessing. Iii prior episodes have served upward an closed safe and blow fish toxicant equally murder weapons alongside a common-or-garden shooting – and they pushed the gunkhole out over again here with pre-programmed killer dogs.
It'due south a gruesome and terrifying method of killing that's unique to the series, making it a very memorable murder for Columbo fans. But if I'thousand being totally honest, I find that the balance of the episode struggles to live up to this level of promise and excitement, and ultimately delivers one of the least thrilling cases of the archetype era.
The Lieutenant himself arguably summarises my ain feelings towards this episode all-time when he describes Dr Mason as 'disappointing' and 'incompetent'. Those 2 adjectives rather sum upwardly to me why this episode is no fun to watch: Mason is a lifeless killer whose abandon hands the instance to Columbo on a plate. It hardly makes for a satisfying spectacle.
I go along it simple when reviewing and ranking Columbo episodes: I want to exist entertained and enjoy the viewing experience. Information technology's one reason why By Dawn's Early Light, admittedly a brilliantly written, filmed and performed piece of television, is less to my liking than a more accessible, rib-tickling tale such as Double Shock or Negative Reaction.
How to Punch a Murder combines the fundamental Columbo sins of a boring killer and an open-and-close case. In that location's no thrill of the hunt at all. And worse, there'due south negligible chemistry betwixt the leads.
"How to Punch a Murder ultimately delivers one of the to the lowest degree thrilling cases of the classic era."
Cast as Dr Eric Stonemason, Nicol Williamson makes for an interesting written report. Legendary British playwright John Osborne him as "the greatest actor since Marlon Brando". Similarly, revered Irish writer, poet and theatre director Samuel Beckett said Williamson was "touched by genius". I'm not saying they're wrong, but I am saying his performance here doesn't justify any such grand statements. It's a very flat effort.
Williamson's Mason is a charisma-free zone and I haven't felt less interested in a Columbo killer since Jose Ferrer's Dr Cahill in flavor 3's Listen Over Commotion. I have that the series needs killers of all personality types, but compare Williamson's plow to the joie de vivre of Jack Cassidy, the simmering rage of Robert Culp, the cheekiness of Ruth Gordon or the dangerous mania of Laurence Harvey and there'south nothing to write home about.
I find it interesting to note that when Williamson was interviewed about his Columbo experiences by Mark Dawidziak for The Columbo Phile book in the 1980s that he could barely think his appearance here. He had undergone a divorce in 1977 and claimed he had taken the part because he "had to have the coin". He certainly doesn't seem to have been the most enthusiastic of participants.
A double murderer who'southward also willing to let his supposedly cherished pets be put to sleep to protect his own back ought to exist a seriously loathsome presence. On-screen, Mason is sadistic, sure, non to mention more than than a footling sinister, but I don't feel anything when watching him other than a mild sense of ennui – even though he's arguably got a ameliorate motive for murder than virtually.
The best Columbo killers wring an emotional response from the audition. Nosotros tin can love to hate the likes of the slimy Paul Gerard and the uncompromising Milo Janus just as nosotros can empathize with the terminally sick Grace Wheeler and the oppressed Beth Chadwick. Mason's character can perhaps best be described in a unmarried word: Meh .
This absenteeism of charisma makes it easier to notice the weaknesses inherent in Bricklayer'due south criminal offense – and the distinct lack of effort he put in to suitably roofing his tracks. Admittedly Columbo catches on to the programmed dogs' thought more quickly than anyone could rightly presume, merely Bricklayer could have been a lot more than thorough in stemming the flow of testify.
Certainly it was clumsy to bring home an incriminating spotlight dorsum from the abandoned moving picture lot, then get out information technology conspicuously round his business firm for a snooping detective to uncover. The aforementioned applies to unplugging the living room telephone and leaving straw from the Charlie dummy on his kitchen floor (terrible sweeping skillz, Doc). Far worse, though, was the idiotic decision to remove the photos of Hunter and Mrs Mason from Hunter'southward desk drawer later the murder was committed.
If Mason knew they were at that place, why not remove them all beforehand and deny constabulary the take chances of stumbling onto them? His long-term revenge plot against wife and friend appears to have been fourth dimension consuming and intricately plotted, making his amateurish oversights seem at best a display of incongruous lackadaisicality and at worse poor writing.
Indeed it's interesting that Columbo referenced the 'incompetence' of these shortcomings verbally during the gotcha scene, because it's exactly as if he's addressing viewer concerns almost the logicality of the writing. I accept no proof of it, but I tin can imagine those lines were added in to the script tardily on at Falk's request to encompass the episode's back.
Every bit for Falk, I'd say his performance is OK simply no more than than that. It's a much more restrained turn than his overcooked, irritating theatrics in Murder Under Glass, merely is a few steps farther downwards the road towards pastiche than we saw in Make Me a Perfect Murder. Similar to a lot of what'due south going on here, there's little that stands out in his work.
How to Dial'due south Columbo seems more like a forcefulness of nature than a real human beingness. It'due south not uncommon for killers to run into the Lieutenant here and there throughout the grade of an episode, but hither he pops up everywhere Dr Mason is. Can we read into this that he's embodying the revered behavioural psychologist's conscience? Perhaps, although I'thousand not convinced Mason has a conscience.
More than likely than non, his continual presence at Mason's shoulder is the episode'due south fashion of showing us that Columbo is playing mental games with the doctor – a theme of the episode that underscores much of the action, whether that be the command of the dogs, Mason's supposed mastery over weaker minds and the cognitive sparring he enjoys with the Lieutenant.
"As for Falk, I'd say his performance is OK but no more than that."
Their confrontation ought to have been a firecracker, with both men 'playing the game' every bit they say, but information technology peters out rather than sizzles equally Mason's trail of breadcrumbs leads Columbo directly to his door. There is, however, a prissy exchange betwixt the two every bit they bask a canteen of good wine by a blazing fire and endeavour to become the measure of each other through a word association game.
And even though that competition ends with honours even, Columbo'south bright idea to record the conversation with a voice-activated tape recorder ultimately pays dividends and allows him to outflank and rout his historic opponent and indulge in a somewhat melodramatic reveal over a game of puddle at Stonemason'south dwelling house.
I wouldn't rate the gotcha equally a classic, especially given Mason's negligence throughout, but there's something satisfying most watching Columbo symbolically slam dwelling pool balls equally he brings his adversary's world crashing down. And of course that does pb to Mason'south efforts to rid himself of Columbo via the assault dogs – arguably the just actually satisfying moment of the whole episode.
The murder itself is also worthy of mention due to its unique nature. The dogs we've seen in Columbo up to now have been almost entirely of the beautiful and cuddly persuasion, so information technology's quite a novelty to come across some truly terrifying killing machines baring their fangs. Indeed, I aspect my lifelong wariness effectually dobermans to having seen How to Punch a Murder at an early age. I'd certainly never say 'Rosebud' in earshot of one, just in case…
I wonder, likewise, whether How to Punch's murder method was an influence to Thomas Harris when he used an eerily similar technique – only with killer pigs – in his book Hannibal equally a prospective fate for Dr Hannibal Lecter. His arch-villain in that volume was one Stonemason Vergere. Coincidence? Surely not. If you're reading this, Thomas, fill us in on your secret Columbo fandom!
Elsewhere, it's good to see ii rising stars of the televisual world given roles here: namely Kim Cattrall and Ed Begley Jr. Every bit the fragile psychology educatee Joanne Nicholls, 21-yr-onetime Cattrall has long referred to this as a breakthrough part for her on her journey to Sexual activity & The City mega stardom via Mannequin and Star Expedition Half-dozen.
Spurned past Dr Mason, she's in very real danger of becoming his third victim towards the finish of the episode as his easily rest on her throat while he warns her against ever telling anyone near the affair betwixt Dr Hunter and Mrs Mason. She has a very lucky escape when Columbo comes a-knocking.
Information technology is a rather odd relationship between Mason and Joanne, mind you. She has developed a romantic attachment to him, just he'south not interested – perhaps another example of Mason sadistically gaining pleasure through control of another being. Interesting, too, that Mrs Bricklayer obviously sanctioned Joanne'south movement into the invitee firm. Perhaps she was too occupied by romping with Dr Hunter to intendance that a bikini-clad hottie was eyeing up her married man…?
Begley Jr, meanwhile, in the small role as Officeholder Stein, is notable in that he is one of just two Columbo guest stars to be cast as both a police officer and a murderer in unlike episodes. He would return as Irving Krutch in 1994's Underground, joining Dabney Coleman in the sectional club after the latter starred as a sergeant in 1973's Double Shock and a murderous attorney in 1991's Columbo and the Murder of a Stone Star.
Nosotros must too not overlook the presence of the lovable 'Dog', who adds a splash of fun to an otherwise largely humour-free episode when Columbo queries whether the basset hound has what it takes to become a guard dog capable of protecting Mrs Columbo while the Lieutenant works night shifts.
Predictably the slovenly mutt doesn't seem cut out for such a life, instead preferring to give Columbo a good old licking when urged to 'impale' in what is a lighthearted foreshadowing of the episode finale.
How to Dial a Murder is also a loving nod towards the golden age of picture palace, playing ample homage to one-act great WC Fields, Citizen Kane, classic horror flicks and more than through Bricklayer's collection of motion-picture show memorabilia. The irony of information technology all is that Mason, for all his focus on mental control, can't resist feeding his addiction by picking up a babe spotlight that will ultimately doom him, the silly boy. Perhaps he doesn't practice what he preaches?
There'due south non much else to say. For the about part, How to Dial leaves me then unmoved that I'thousand struggling to even come upwardly with 'side-splitting' one liners virtually its shortcomings. I won't claim that it'south a dreadful slice of television, but with a dialled-in performance from a dreary antagonist and a example then straightforward that even Sergeant Grover could crevice it, How to Punch a Murder is a million miles from being considered the Citizen Kane of the Columbo opus.
Did you know?
Despite his continual reliance on his trusty raincoat, How to Dial a Murder is 1 of only iii classic era episodes in which we see the Lieutenant actually defenseless in the rain.
The only other times nosotros meet Columbo getting a drenching are during his visit to gloomy London in 1972's Dagger of the Mind, and in The Goodbye-Adieu Heaven High IQ Murder Instance four years later, when he instead shelters beneath an umbrella as the heavens open.
The episode'south multiple nods to the aureate age of cinema were more ostentatiously recognised in the original version of the story, too, which was rather heavy-handedly entitled The Laurel and Hardy WC Fields Citizen Kane Murder Case.
How I charge per unit 'em
How to Dial a Murder is 1 of the showtime episodes I tin can recall watching, but unlike several others in that category that I all the same treasure (Bye-Bye Sky High, Endeavour & Take hold of Me, Mortiferous State of Mind chief amongst them), I've never warmed to this one – largely considering of Williamson'southward uninteresting portrayal of Eric Stonemason.
There may exist elements of it that are technically 'better' than a number of episodes rated immediately above it in my nautical chart only in terms of personal enjoyment, this one leaves me rock common cold and it's 1 I almost never choose to view from my collection.
Check out whatever of my previous reviews via the links below.
- The Adieu-Farewell Sky Loftier IQ Murder Instance
- Suitable for Framing
- Publish or Perish
- Double Shock
- Murder by the Book
- Negative Reaction
- A Friend in Human action
- Endeavor & Catch Me
- Death Lends a Hand
- A Stitch in Offense
- At present You See Him
- Double Exposure
- Lady in Waiting
- Troubled Waters
- Whatever Old Port in a Storm
- Prescription: Murder
- A Deadly State of Mind —B-List starts hither—
- An Exercise in Fatality
- Make Me a Perfect Murder
- Identity Crisis
- Swan Song
- The Virtually Crucial Game
- Etude in Blackness
- By Dawn's Early Calorie-free
- Candidate for Crime
- Greenhouse Jungle
- Playback
- Forgotten Lady
- Requiem for a Falling Star
- Blueprint for Murder
- Fade in to Murder
- Bribe for a Expressionless Human being
- Murder Under Glass—C-Listing starts here—
- A Case of Immunity
- Expressionless Weight
- The Most Dangerous Match
- Lovely just Lethal
- How to Dial a Murder
- Short Fuse ———D-List starts here—-
- A Matter of Honour
- Mind Over Mayhem
- One-time Fashioned Murder
- Dagger of the Mind
- Last Salute to the Commodore —Z-List starts here—
Love or hate How to Dial a Murder, share your opinions of it below. I'one thousand aware that many fans bask it a whole lot more I do, so if that'southward you please permit us all know what information technology is that floats your gunkhole.
The adjacent episode marks the cease of a televisual era as the Columbo curtain falls for what looked similar forever in the form of IRA drama The Conspirators. A blockbuster finale for the classic era, or about equally much fun equally a live 'limerick-off' with a whisky-totting drunk in an Irish gaelic pub (which, come to think of it, actually sounds like a riot!)? Bank check back soon…
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Source: https://columbophile.com/2020/01/12/episode-review-columbo-how-to-dial-a-murder/
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